Current mood: calm


the sun is shining

tendering soft skins of young dog walkers

massaging wrinkles of aging lovers

walking across the bridge

lifting myself on the top of my toes with short nails

painted blue inside wool socks

watching water breaking ice

invisibly

the striking force of softness

shattering pieces by pieces that strong icy glass

wandering what's hiding under melting ice

maybe dead green crococile defrosting

maybe jelly balls falling out from tiny grey toad's belly

broken open into tadpoles into the world of tiny grey toads

maybe tiny fishes bleeding their silver tails inside big ones' estomagos

or swept into fisherman's net at the end of their journey

where Ontanabee river run into some blue sea

reincarnated into sushi

maybe a world's sleeping

maybe a world's cracking under the ice so cristalline

I am

in my time on my toes

one foot gave in to the law of gravity

one foot rabelled to flow with serenity

busy watching the beauty

busy wandering the unknown

too busy to hear the cracking, the withering, the blooming, the tide raising, the river flowing inside

me.

delicious red apple of that suckass cafe
Current mood: calm


I don't like the word "hurt" cuz it is so abstract yet so simplified. I can't neither touch nor comprehend sometimes what that word means.It can't neither touch nor express all that messy surreal orginal labrynth of human feelings either. I ate a delicious red apple today. Sweet and crispy to the point of perfection in my simple standard. Everything's turning. I watched water breaking ice. Sky was grey. I punched a hole and threw a piece of circle from my lifescape. It hurt. Metaphorically so, but just like that insane movie eternal sunshine in the spotless mind, i will be missing this piece and it will chase my memory on and off. Season always changes. So do lovers and friends. So do I. Sad and beautiful simultaneously, my life isn't the red apple. But i guess that's ok.

Delicious like red apple we were. I bite into the sweetness. Ate slowly. No matter how you tried to keep munching, i wanted to finish eating the damn apple. It's not that apple isn't perfect. It is just I' m not red apple, not even close to perfection. I keep escaping to... where... I don't even know. But I do it anyway.

Apple's gone, only seed left. I threw the seed. You tasted bitterness. Some sweetness still lingered on my tongue.But soon would be gone. Seed would grow into something beautiful even without me seeing it.

I am writing an exciting essay with wonderful company of mocha and bagels on a not so exciting reality of women and war.

Poetry is good though. Like this one..

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon ,"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will standin the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

is mail.takingitglobal.org still working?

Happy 61-st Victory Day, everyone!

I just wanted to share a wonderful resource (in English) that was recently developed in Russia to commemorate this date.

9 May

It contains facts, stories, dates and tons of useful information on participation of the Soviet Union in WWII.

FACT: The Soviet Union lost around 27 million people in World War II.

Yayayayayay!!!! Finally I've bought a PDA! Have been dreaming about it for a year probably. This will make my life SOOOO much easier - even lighter, because it will lift like 2 kilograms of books and organizers off my shoulders! :)

Check it out! HP iPAQ hx4700

Всем волонтерам и добровольцам России! Если вы хотите стать участником глобального добровольческого проекта, заявите о своих свершениях! Пишите о ваших акциях, программах, идеях и состоявшемся опыте в блоге, посвященному Весенней Неделе Добра 2006 в России. Ваш вклад обязательно будет учтен!

События ВНД-2006 и Всемирного дня молодежного служения в России координируют Фонд "Созидание" и Российский центр развития добровольчества.

Подробности: http://events.takingitglobal.org/9311

Russian Language Online Community Coordinator

Location: Moscow, Russia
Duration: 9 months
Starting date: Immediate
Reports to: Multilingual Platform and Partnerships Coordinator

I. Background on TakingITGlobal:

TakingITGlobal is an international organization, led by youth, empowered by technology. TIG brings together young people in more than 200 countries within international networks to collaborate on projects addressing global problems and creating positive change. TakingITGlobal's main program, the TakingITGlobal.org online community, now receives over 45 million hits per month. Founded by young Canadians in 2000, TIG has launched projects with six UN agencies, and is supported by several major corporations, including HP, Microsoft, and RBC Financial Group.

In Russia, TakingITGlobal is working closely with Sozidanie Foundation and Russian Volunteer Development Center.


II. Responsibilities:

• Act as a focal point for TakingITGlobal in Russia;
• Manage current and develop new partnerships with local youth organizations, youth groups and NGOs;
• Work with the Russian Editorial and Translations Coordinator (based in Toronto) to ensure ongoing progress with the Russian website and e-newsletter translations;
• Work with the Multilingual Platform and Partnerships Coordinator (based in Toronto) to facilitate program development, through conceptualization, design, proposal and program initiation, with a particular focus on Russian online community and local projects;
• Establish partnerships with local high schools and English language departments to support the translation of the website into Russian;
• Oversee the translation into Russian of the Understand Issues section (http://www.takingitglobal.org/understanding);
• Participate in skype meetings with other members of the multilingual team;
• Promote Russian language online community (www.takingitglobal.ru) through local youth media, local contests and presentations at youth events;
• Actively contribute and participate in the development of multilingual and local engagement strategy.


III. Qualifications:

Qualified candidates must have:

• 1-2 years experience working or volunteering with NGOs, community-based organizations, youth groups or student clubs in Russia (required) and CIS (preferred);
• Excellent knowledge of English (writing, reading, speaking);
• Excellent leadership, communication and interpersonal skills;
• Proven interest in international issues and current affairs;
• Good understanding of the issues facing young people in Russia;
• Familiarity with the youth organizations and youth groups across Russia;
• Interest in new technologies, online communication and online community building;
• university students are encouraged to apply!


IV. Conditions:

This is a part-time position (10-15 hours/week). Monthly honorarium – US $150.


V. Submission of applications:

Submit your resume and cover letter in English by April 10, 2006 to:

Sofya Mezhorina
sofya@takingitglobal.org

A weird thing I noticed yesterday. Three female friends of mine and I went to a park to hang out in the nature and also because it was a big traditional holiday called Maslennitsa. One of the ladies took her very beautiful Labrador dog with her. And - oh my goodness - I can't remember a single day in my life when I would get SO MUCH attention from men, as I did on Sunday while walking 400 metres with a labrador on a leash.

WHY is that happening?

Was that because I was wearing high heels AND with a big dog on a leash, or what?

Whoever of us four took turn to walk Brunya (that's the dog's name) would immediately receive at least one comment from a male nearby. Fortunately, those were not assaulting. I wonder if they would even attempt an assaulting comment in such a situation... :)

Guys? Enlighten me please!

How long ago did you have a breathtaking journey last time? If you’re looking for one, you should definitely try taking a train from any to any location in Russia. Yes, EXACTLY, a train, and not a first-class, but a regular one, and at an economy class fare. This means that you would travel in a “platz kart” car – people can sleep there, but compartments have no doors. This is the most modest price for traveling by train, so that most people can afford it. And since this is the type of fare that the common lot can pay, the most that you will see on such a journey will be the most – and “the best” – of the Russian common lot.

That was exactly what I saw yesterday and today on my trip to Tambov, my hometown. The travel takes 9+ hours, most of which you basically sleep, but even the 2 hours I was awake caused me so much embarrassment for my own folk that I still can’t come to after what I’ve experienced. This is the n’th time I’ve encountered such things, but I can never get used to them all the same.

After I boarded the train and approached my seat, I discovered that my fellow-passengers were an elderly couple and a young man. Here came my first never-ending shock – the couple were eating a roasted chicken. You know, somehow it’s considered to be “cool” in Russia – to eat on a train, no matter if it is day or night, if you had a chance to eat at home or somewhere else prior to departure, or even if the lights will go off 30 minutes after the train sets off. There is always time for eating on a train – it appears an axiom for many people here. And if two people make their minds to eat on a train, the choice of dishes is usually the one with the strongest smell (so that it could travel around the whole car making some people hungry and others sick) – that would be roasted chicken, sausages, “beach soups” (Doshirak or Ramen or whatever), salted or smoked salmon and beer (oh my favorite! This smell gets the furthest), or something of that nature. So the first thing I saw were the elderly couple smearing their fingers in grease, scraping chicken bones with their teeth, wiping their hands and mouths on a kitchen towel and NOT WASHING them at any time between the departure and the time the lights went off. I could smell their chicken right at the entrance door of the car.

As the sleeping time approaches when you are on a train, you can notice another astonishing transformation. Suddenly, many women start undressing (it doesn’t matter that at least 6 people around can see them) and changing into dressing gowns! And – oh my goodness – I wouldn’t mind that if it looked sexy, but it hell DOESN’T! Imagine a 65-year-old lady taking off her three sweaters and pants right in front of you. Fortunately, I’ve never seen anybody take their artificial jaws out yet. Anyways, I always wonder why they don’t go to the restroom or at least hide under their blanket and change there. Men also often undress and you can spot them wearing only boxers and t-shirts as if it were the most natural thing to do on a train. Yet I’m delighted to make a note here that this doesn’t refer to the majority of young people; youth just tend to go to bed fully dressed. However, this whole situation depends on where people come from – the smaller the town they live in, the more unaware they tend to be about their behavior and the hurt feelings of their fellow-passengers.

Next paragraph should be about 56 pairs of smelly feet in one car at +30 Celsius, but I’d better not go for it.

Here should be a paragraph about conversing in full voices, snoring, sneezing, coughing, blowing noses et cetera et cetera what people can deliberately or involuntarily do at night to achieve the best effect as the one of keeping others awake (even if you have less than 7 hours to sleep in total).

The last thing would be that the car conductor wakes you up a whole hour before arrival! All 56 people urge to queue outside the two restrooms to administrate their usual morning procedures. And certainly they do that as quickly and gracefully as if they were in their own cozy bathroom at home. I prefer sleeping till 20 minutes before the train reaches the platform, but somehow others don’t like that and apply biggest efforts to bring me into the state closest to the dizzy and unnerving one of their own by hitting my feet, dropping things on me, talking loudly on the phone or turning up the radio right above my ear whenever possible. Thank you very much to those most considerate passengers.

If after such journey you step off the train in bright spirits and all set for the long new day – then you’re in the right country to travel! Welcome to Russia and its most reliable means of transportation.

:)

I wonder how high the ratings were of those tv channels yesterday which broadcast men's skating finals. I can't remember the 4,5 minutes when Plushenko did his turn - solemn, focused, with an unusually straight face - I only remember how everybody around was silent, and even the commentators held their breaths not to blow away Zhenya's concentration, and my hurt was thumping in my ears. I couldn't hold tears when he span his last turn and came to a halt uttering, "Vsyo!" ("That's it!") and the smile finally brightened his eyes. 'Cuz everybody knew how hard it was for him to bear the status of a favorite, especially in the light of Salt Lake City Games, now that he had to win not for the country, rather for himself. I believe these 4,5 minutes were the most important and the hardest in his life. I can't say that there were a lot of people who I admired in my life, but Plushenko is definitely one of the few.

And I thought nothing would spoil the rest of the day (better say night) before I went to bed yesterday, until Johnny Weir was thrown THAT far from the podium. I sincerely cheered for him and hoped he would get at least bronze after the Belgian guy's excellent skating. Why did the judges give him such low marks? He was definitely better than Buttle. Just because he's 18 and is kinda just starting? Give me a break, Weir deserved the medal more than anyone after Plushenko. I reckon in the next Olympics he'll be the one competing for the gold.

But yesterday, damn, I was really disappointed.

I keep returning to this thought all the time. Especially now that I've been offered a new job position - the one completely different from what I'm doing now. I again find myself between two fires: what is better for a job, doing something noble or earning a decent leaving?

Of course, I would prefer doing both at the same time, but at present no successful combinations of the two seem available... So I have to decide. On the one hand, I would prefer working in an NGO, preferably on youth projects, promoting youth participation, education, and use of ICTs for positive change. On the other hand, I'm sick and tired of trying to make ends meet in a beast of a city as Moscow. Here, again, comes what I would call pressure of public opinion, especially for young people, which pushes smart youth to pursue highly-paid positions with multinational companies, or at least well-known Russian ones. I can't say that I'm fully independent from it. Yes, I want to be successful. At the same time, I wish to get accomplished as a resourceful person who can really make change in other people's lives by managing big development or education projects. But that doesn't pay really well. Especially now. Especially in Russia, where the state is persistenly gaining control over all kinds of NGOs.

I don't want to work for a manufacturing, or mining, or food multinational. Nor nationals. I would only go for a company that offers intellectual services as a product. IT or software solutions maybe. Or human resources. Or something where I won't be striving to increase sales or pursuade customers to use unnecessary things or services. Now I've been offered to work as a translator for a tv company working with foreign producers. No project management, no partnership development - only translations and occasional simultaneous interpretation at meetings. But it pays really well for my age and experience. I'm starting to question my experience more and more often. Is it really so good as I picture it in my CV?

So, no management power at all on this position. But a nice atmosphere, fun working with foreigners, young people in staff, exciting environment, good pay (can't stop mentioning this). Maybe I'm just not sincere enough to sacrifice good living for a noble job. Or maybe I'm just fed up with living at a subsistence level during my adolescence and college years. Maybe I do want to start saving money for my own appartment or for the time when I retire and decide to travel the world finally :) I keep thinking that maybe I'm too young to think about that yet, but the life seems to be so fast and opportunities so rare...

Who's suffering the severest sheesha effect?

Я аж разревелась, читая эту статью...

Всенародное кровеизъявление.

Интересную сегодня ситуацию наблюдала на почте. Пока стояла в своей очереди и ждала специалиста по упаковыванию почтовых отправлений, которая внезапно отошла минут на 20, я изучала очередь соседнюю - а точнее, молодую девушку, пытавшуюся отправить заказное письмо с уведомлением. Бедная девушка! Представьте себе ее изумление, когда почтовая служащая сообщила ей (причем, не без торжественного тона в голосе), что конверт оформлен неправильно и его придется переделывать, т.е. покупать новый и заново заполнять по форме. Девушка справилась. Но на этом ее мучения не закончились (да и мои тоже, т.к. в моем окне все так же было пусто, а народ прибывал). Оказалось, что она неправильно заполнила уведомление для заказного письма - "Девушка, ну здесь же все написано, где какой адрес писать! Как на конверте, только наоборот. Совсем что ли конвертов таких не видели?" И уведомление тоже надо было переделывать. Тяжело вздыхая и так и не поняв, что она сделала не так, девушка отправилась переоформлять все бумажки...

Мне лет 8 было, когда я первый раз конверт подписывала, с тех пор уже все форматы поменялись, но почему-то я еще правильно это делаю. С уведомлением сложнее... :) Вот я и думаю, а не отбирает ли у нас тотальная электронизация и автоматизация форм простых навыков внимательного чтения полей на бумажке? Уж очень как-то неуверенно эта девушка выглядела, столкнувшись с проблемой правильного подписания (!) конверта...